Cleansing Rain~A Cleansing Love"
I woke up from a dream today after a weekend of extraordinary experiences
of being in the presence of someone who has been so deeply impacted
by someone who is mentally ill. Even though I am a mental health professional
I experienced in a way I never have before the profoundly deep loneliness
and isolation and self-hatred of someone who is mentally ill. Even though
they weren’t physically present their astral embodiment was so clearly
there. I still feel like I am in a dreamlike state as I physically remember
the experience. This experience brings home to me a profound gratitude
for my ability to allow myself the gift of a deeply held self love.
This self love allows me the strength to see myself clearly, to fully
accept my “response-ability”, and to acknowledge when I have made a
mistake and I need to apologize instead of projecting all the blame
onto someone else. Even though I have experienced the need to apologize
many times in my life I have never felt the loneliness of not having
the willingness to do it like I did last night. The loneliness still
lingers today and makes it very clear to me that is not how I want to
live my life.
the hint of this overcast day, with the light of the sun playing in
the background, I can smell the rain. I can feel the necessity of a
deeply cleansing love. I treasure this gift for myself and I send this
gift out on my thought waves to all who need it. Sometimes that’s all
I can do for someone who so profoundly rejects self love as a possibility.
Perhaps the thunderstorms that are forecast for today will manifest
elsewhere as cleansing tears and perhaps the door will be slightly open
for love to come through. I certainly hope that possibility is there.
I know the possibility is there. Whether the person will allow the possibility
to penetrate the fog is another question. I do not know the outcome.
My job is to simply send the blessing.
purpose in sharing this deeply personal story as we head into the heat
of July is to simply acknowledge the power and necessity of love. I
am so grateful for the strength I have. I am so grateful for my willingness
to be vulnerable to love. I am so grateful for my willingness to accept
full responsibility for my life. In that willingness is the key to exquisite
joy, profound love, deep gratitude, and yes, some pain. As profound
as the pain may be at times I know it is temporary because I will face
it, move through it, and go on to the next experience of my life. When
I get stuck along the way I know that is temporary too.
whole experience brings me to a very pivotal chicken~egg question that
needs a deeply compassionate, responsible answer. What comes first~our
unwillingness to accept “response-ability” for our actions or a genetically
based mental illness? I know there is a genetic base to most, if not
all, mental illness. I know that our actions raise and lower endorphin
levels. My human spiritual challenge and dilemma is to love no matter
what the circumstance is! My challenge is to know where my boundaries
are; where another’s boundary is and not cross it, not violate it. My
challenge is to be as fully human and alive as possible and to be a
living blessing to the full extent of my ability. Most of all my challenge
is to be grateful for the full possibility of my life. As we head into
July with the sun bright and hot and cleansing rains very few and far
between I hold out the possibility and necessity of a cleansing rain~a
cleansing love to us all!!!
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