Newsletter October 2006 by Cathy Combs

Making Preparations: Making Reparations

The Western hemisphere Earth-Based spiritual traditions celebrate Samhain this month; the agricultural New Year, the ending of one year and the beginning of another one, preparing for the oncoming winter season. For me this season particularly represents a time of celebration and thanksgiving for all the gifts of understanding I've received this year, and a time of prayerful release of all the pain I did not understand this year. I don't feel that's just an individual experience. I feel that is a collective universal experience we share as humans on this precious Earth. I'm deeply learning the power of conscious choice! Do I respond with grace through trials? Do I respond with hostility? Grace leaves room for the God of Love. Hostility shuts the door. I'm seeing more and more how to leave the door open. It's amazingly powerful! I'm seeing how powerfully present the God of Love is in my life each moment no matter what is happening! It's awesomely powerful to feel so loved! It's a challenge to remember when I'm in pain and feeling separate! This is a cultural learning that we are here to undo and transform! We can never be separate from the Animating Principle of Love that created us! Only our thoughts of separation can make us feel separate. In my opinion, there is no more important and powerful teaching to understand than the power of our thoughts, words, and actions. This teaching gives us the opportunity to see in full blown reality what life we want to live! It is said that “if we don't like our life, we don't like our thoughts!” I understand that teaching. After months of agonizing fear-based reactiveness and hostility I am finally able and willing to say, “Lead the Way, Spirit of Love. I trust Your will of Good for me. I want to be grace-filled and gracious.” It felt like the flip of a switch. I finally decided, “Enough with the pain and silliness of fear-based, ego-based hostility. I trust You, Spirit of Love. Lead the way. I'll go hand in hand, instead of toe to toe.” The words from a workshop I attended two days ago come to mind, “I love you. I'm sorry.” That's how connected I feel today. I let go of the human ego understanding of who's supposed to do what first. Instead I decided I'm saying, “I love you. I'm sorry.” I start with myself first, extending forgiveness to me, and then I send it out to bless all others. From a fear-based level I'm not able, nor willing, to do that, but I am finally willing to recognize that keeps me frozen in grief and rage forever. It's time to move to forgiveness and begin anew. It's an amazing process. It's time to let go of my need for control. Today I just genuinely know I want to be grace-filled and gracious and I know I can't do that from a place of anger. I remember a line from my priestess leadership training from Diana's Grove, “I am more than my wounds.” I read a similar line in Unity Magazine recently. It's fascinating how ecumenical these teachings are. That's one more reason why it's so important to celebrate the vast innate wisdom of all the progressive spiritual traditions. They all have the same healing message! Love one another! I feel back in that flow more than I have been in many many months. I'm so very grateful. I heard a comment recently that I really take to heart. “If we're not moved to compassion by what someone does that we don't like, the problem is ours!” The minister was saying, “We don't have enough information to judge another's life.” She further said, “Jesus only taught two messages: “Love one another, and don't judge!” I know I'm building a new heart right now. That's my lesson. A heart of welcome for all no matter what! That includes me! A welcome for me no matter what! I'm letting go of fear-based ways of being. New ways aren't fully in place yet. I've felt like I'm on water instead of land. I know Jesus walked on water. I haven't been sure about me yet! Recently I heard the words, “Let Me help you. Let Me show you the magnanimous Heart of Love I AM!” I recognized the voice as the Great I AM! This Heart of Love is who we all are! I'm comforted hearing that voice again. My ego has been screaming so loud these last four months I've lost touch with this still, small always present voice within me. Hearing that voice again tells me I've come back to my Spirit. I've come back to embodying the realness of who I am! I'm grateful and relieved.

I chose 15 angel cards recently to help me on my journey to “gather my team” as Doreen Virtue suggests. I don't know what game I'm playing. No game I know has 15 team members unless I'm counting reserves. As we head into the dark time, as the nights get longer, it is good to have reserves! I read a wonderful interview of Doreen Virtue on in September. She spoke of us being in a time of extremes, either massive tribulation or massive abundance and joy. It sure fits for me! It can feel extraordinarily challenging to stay balanced when every level of our known reality is being changed and challenged. It's not humanly comfortable to not see changes coming and to feel blindsided. We instinctively react with fear. Conscious response seems far behind! At these times I can choose a victim mentality or I can choose the Phoenix parable: I'm laying down my old life. I'm being birthed into a new one! I don't have to know the details. In a dream recently I heard Spirit saying to me, “I want you to go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. I will catch you with feathers!” I'm learning dramatically, “My faith is sufficient unto the day.” I'm profoundly experiencing Love's Presence in my life. Recently I no sooner uttered a prayer saying, “OK, God, now please!” The phone rang immediately. It was my prayer partner. I've experienced this timely magnanimity and immediacy of Spirit's Love so many times these last 10 months. I cried as I prayed with my prayer partner that day. I had been listening to Jennifer Berezan's beautiful CD, “Returning”, knowing I had returned to oneness, finally! I choose to begin again today. I rise from the ashes of a life that has died to a much larger vision of the Radiance I AM! I'm ready to listen and learn as my new life unfolds. I'm learning to trust that my Spirit knows the way. I can trust Spirit. I can trust my Self. We are co-creators of this new life.

As we go into the dark time of the year I take this thought with me, “I give thanks for things just as they are, and just as they are not!” This statement embodies grace and graciousness. This statement reminds me of the power of forgiveness. This statement fills me with the levity, flexibility and resilience that I love so very much. This is living from the inside out. I must forgive all the fear-based visions of me and others that I've unthinkingly accepted as true. I believe that's our common human heritage. We are the Divine in expression. We are never alone. We must give ourselves and others the gift of remembering our divine nature! I'm grateful for our spiritual Light journey. I celebrate the archetypal Phoenix; this profound Light Being that teaches me about trust and transformation. I dedicated to Radiance this year. I rededicate myself now to Radiance and Trust. I celebrate You, Phoenix. Thank you for your Love, Wisdom and Trust that are so very vital to my life and so very treasured! Thank you, for your archetypal Presence in all the world. Namaste to you, Precious Light. I appreciate Your new world view!

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